dancing with myself

I've been crocheting for about eight or nine years now, give or take, and I can honestly say it's probably my most favourite hobby ever.  I know that announcing this is like saying that Adam Lambert is gay or that water is wet, but sometimes, things bear repeating.

I'm not sure what I love most about it, whether it's the satisfaction of seeing a project go from balls of wool to actual object or the fact that it helps to keep me sane.  All I know is that when I walk into a craft store, I head straight for the yarn while my heart is all a-twitter, my head swimming with possibilities; colour combinations, textures, who I'm going to make what for...all that good stuff.  Oddly enough, when it comes to "Who am I going to make this for?", the most obvious answer (a.k.a. "ME") is the furthest thing from my mind.

I like to make things for other people.  Ask any of those I hold nearest and dearest to me and they can show you at least one item I've made for them or their children. (Yeah, if you have kids, you're pretty much doomed, because I will be spoiling that little moppet with handmade goodness like there's no tomorrow.)  I don't do it for money (though twice I've been paid for my efforts...and both times it was well deserved.) I do it because it makes me happy and I like to see those I love happy.

Lately I've been on a crocheted doll kick.  Specifically, I've been making dolls for friends that sort of resemble the friends I've given them to.  Sometimes the resemblance is spot on; others not so much. So, with that in mind, I thought I'd play a little blog game to test your powers of observation (which, if they're anything like mine, are somewhere in the "Captain Obvious" realm).

I am posting photos of dolls I've made with specific people in mind, and then photos of how they really look.  Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to try and figure out who is who.  You can keep that to yourself, or you can post your guesses in my comment section.  The winner gets nothing other than my admiration for being so darn smart..or maybe they'll see themselves in crochet at some point.  We'll see how I feel.

First up:  The Dolls

Doll #1

Doll #2

Doll #3

Doll # 4

Doll #5

Doll #6

And now, The People:

Gen

Ames

Chelle

Tania

 

Lia

Lola

(Yes, I am aware that I haven't made any crocheted dudes yet.  That's not sexism, that's just me assuming that there aren't a lot of men out there who would appreciate the coolness of being immortalized in crochet.  That being said, there's a first time for everything)

you make me sick

I'm not sure how many of you are following the news somewhat regularly, but I have to share this one story that literally makes me sick to my stomach:

New Jersey Girl Sells 7 Year Old Sister for Sex


A 15-year-old New Jersey girl is being charged for selling her 7-year-old stepsister for sex with men.

The sickening transaction happened at a party on Sunday when the 15-year-old sold her 7-year-old little sister and, according to a report from the NY Daily News, “let the boys do what they want to do as the leering lechers looked on – then stepped back and watched the men molest her.”

Due to this incident, NJ.Com has promised that detectives are on the case to track down the people who raped the little girl.

Mayor Douglas Palmer said of the crime, “I believe personally, not as the mayor, personally, there is a space reserved in hell for the perpetrators of this act and I know they’ll get there.”

The sad part of the entire incident is that the 7-year-old girl reportedly tagged along with her big sister to try to protect her; she was worried about the 15-year-old’s safety.  The parents of the girls called the police at 4:30 p.m. when they did not return home; they assumed that the older girl had run away taking the younger sibling with her.

The 15-year-old girl is being charged with aggravated sexual assault, promoting prostitution and other crimes which have been rumored to consist of prostitution on her behalf because she also accepted cash for sex.

I'll let you digest that for a second before I start ranting.


Disgusting, huh?


Of the many, many, many, MANY things I find wrong with this story, the ones that bother me most are:

1 -  What kind of parenting the 15 year old must have had and what kind of family environment she lived in which made it ok for her to sell herself as well as her sister for sex?  Seriously.  At what point did we decide that teaching our children that selling yourself for sex was acceptable?  When did we, as a society, decide to just turn a blind eye to things like this.  I know it's all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap, but really, it does take a village to raise a child.  It just breaks my heart to think of what kind of upbringing these children have had.


2 - When children go missing and the first thought of the parents is that they have run away, there must be something seriously wrong at home. The parents must be held accountable as well, instead of merely crucifying the 15 year old girl.  Yes, what she did was disgusting, but the blase attitude of the parental units leaves a lot to be desired as well. 

Selling her baby sister is sick and twisted. The one person there that she would be looking toward to protect her, betrayed her and profited from her pain. She watched while this little girl was touched and raped and not once did she stop and think, "Hey, this might be wrong" or did she tell them to stop.

I am sure the lot of them will rot in hell, but in the mean time, I hope that they are all jailed, including the 15 year old.  In a perfect world, the older sister would do time as a pimp, and also be prosecuted for kidnap, confinement, and rape as well. I can only hope that’s the outcome.

As for the parents, they're claiming that they're the victims and that people are blaming them for what happened...and as well they should.  They are all responsible for what happened, not just to the seven year old, but her older sister as well.

There is a special place in hell for everyone involved and I hope they take a bullet train to the destination

i'm not bulletproof

Mark your calendars, boys and girls. May 8th, 2010. 11:30pm. The dream has become a reality

That's right - Betty White will be hosting "SNL" in a sort of pre-Mother's Day episode along with six former female cast members including Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch and Molly Shannon.  I still haven't stopped happy dancing.  Here's hoping it lives up to the lofty expectations I have..and even if it doesn't, Betty White, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were all on the same show together, and that's pretty freakin' sweet.
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 I borrowed this from the awesome Bust magazine blog because I think it's funny as hell not to share.  And not funny "ha ha" but funny because it's true and makes so much more sense than anything else I've ever read about the subject.:


Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

Think about it.
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A couple of weeks ago, Lady Gaga released her video for the song 'Telephone', which unfortunately features Beyonce.  I can't say it was what I was expecting, because with Gaga, you never know what she's going to come up with next.

For the 3 or 4 of you who haven't seen it, you really should.  I'll even provide you with a link: *clicky*

What is really interesting to me is the reaction that this video has generated from people. Most people are of the "WTF" mindset with opinions ranging from "I don't get it" to, "Holy product placement, Batman!"  My favourite reaction comes from the woman who calls the video "poison for the minds of our kids."   (Check her out in all her craziness here)  *clutches neckline*  Not the children!  They're our future!

Whatever.

You know what, maybe she is corrupting the youth, but it's a good kind of corruption.  She's showing everyone that you can be who you want to be and that's ok, and we all know how horrible it is to be true to yourself. (Coincidentally, it's also what us *StAr BiTcHeS* believe)  I know it's cliche, but to the 13 year old girl who gets called a freak because of how she looks or the music she listens to, it's a big deal.  Gaga is all about love and being yourself.  It's not like she's convincing people to build an altar and sacrifice woodchucks in their basement or telling them join the Westboro Baptist Church. It's just a music video..and if you don't like it, there must be something else on those 500+ channels you have that you do like...so leave Gaga the fuck alone.
___________________________________________

This one's for Michelle:




________________________________________________

Fin.

i've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key

Meet Chucky, Derby Debutante #667. 

Sure, she looks innocent enough, but would you believe that she got kicked out of Catholic school for streaking during mass and starting fires in church?  She went through some rough times (she became a member of a knife throwing carnival act who were slaughtered by a rival knife throwing carnival act on roller skates), but she persevered and is as quick with her blades on wheels as I am with my wit.

Meet Killson, Thames Fatale #46 & 2. 

Little is known about her, except that her derby number is taken from a song by Tool, whose lyrics have been widely interpreted to the point that they may have lost all meaning.  I believe that the reason she identifies with them so strongly is because they talk about self evolution, and she is constantly changing, but still remaining true to herself in the process.

What do these two gals have in common, you ask?  Well, besides being close, personal friends of yours truly, they are both members of derby leagues in their respective cities.  Chucky has recently graduated from Fresh Meat to Derby Deb and Killson has been a Fatale for a couple of years now, and from a glance at their schedules for the upcoming season, it looks like they’re finally going to have a chance to skate against each other. Also, to me, they represent what derby is really about.  Most new roller derby leagues are all-female and self-organized and were formed in this sort of indie, punk, do it yourself kind of way.  Now, I ask you, as someone who is a supporter of the indie punk do it yourself world, how can I not get behind that?

When Chucky and Killson told me they were joining Derby (yes, I’m capitalizing it now, in order to give it the respect it deserves) leagues and they needed Derby alter egos, the prospect of creating the perfect Derby name for them made me all a-twitter.  I thought I had come up with some real winners (Gore Juss, Miss Print, Zoe Diack), and then I discovered that all of those had already been taken.  Apparently there exists an international registry of Derby names, and once it's on that list, you can't have it, which sucks, but there are some awesome ones out there - Elle Boes, Suffer Jet, Anya Face, Splat Benetar...the list goes on.  If I ever join a derby league (or become a burlesque dancer), I’ve got my name all picked out, and so far, it’s not on the list….and I’m not telling you because I don’t want to lose it.

The theatre geek in me also loves the aesthetic of Derby.  Every team has their own unique style, but they all seem to have the same basic elements in common - costumes that are influenced by rockabilly and/or burlesque, and tattoos, and every person who straps on a pair of skates instantly becomes this other person while on the track.

One of the things that strikes me odd about Derby is how polarizing it is.  Some people see it as what it is - a group of girls sharing a common experience and kicking some butt while having fun. It's about small victories. It's not about just being No. 1 or the best. It’s that feeling like you're in the right place with the right people. Others choose to see it in strictly sexual terms, either assuming everyone on the team is a lesbian, or a slut, which I don't get.  I guess it's threatening to the rest of the world to see a girl be feminine on her own terms.  Sure, they play with sexuality a bit by wearing make up, fishnets and short shorts, but make no mistake - these girls will stomp your crotch the first chance they get.

I just hope I get the chance to see them do it.

 

breakdown

Soon, I promise. 

gonna make you sweat

In an attempt to get healthy (or in a fit of insanity, I'm still not sure), I have joined a gym.

Yeah, I only wish it was that kind of gym.  That one might not kick my ass as badly as the one I actually joined.  No jungle gym for me.  We're talking mirrored walls, tons of beautiful people working out and making it look so easy I want to smack them, and equipment that I'm sure is one step away from being considered a Medieval torture device.

So far I've committed to going three nights a week, which is good, because I am in such bad shape, I think anything more would kill me.  Seriously.  Plus, my doctor also says that doing 15 minutes three times a week is the perfect way for me to get started.

I know that logically, I'm doing it for health reasons.  I'm doing it because I'm genetically predisposed to diabetes and hypertension.  I'm doing it because my back and knees suck and I want to be able to walk more than a few feet without crying.  I'm doing it to build up endurance and, yes, to lose weight.

This adventure I've decided to undertake now also includes some dietary restrictions - good bye sugar, potato chips and fast food.  It's been nice knowing you.  You've been replaced by granola bars, yogourt and fruit.  This has actually been the easy part, though the caffeine withdrawal headaches when I gave up my single morning cup of coffee were brutal.

The most difficult part about all this is how I feel about it, psychologically.  As I said, this has mostly been health-motivated.  However, for reasons I've never really understood, once you lose a few pounds, people constantly tell you how "good" you look, which to me seems a bit backhanded.  It's almost as though they're implying that when you were 20 lbs heavier, you were ugly as sin, which is not true.  Some women look amazing carrying a few extra pounds.  Need proof? 

 Queen Latifah

Dawn French

April Flores

Tell me these women aren't gorgeous.  They are all a bit larger than they are "supposed to" be, and yet they all radiate such amazing beauty that you can't help but be a little bit inspired by them.  I can't even imagine them looking any differently to the way they look now.  So why am I so resistant to the idea?

I know that the weight I lose from my slow lifestyle changes will change how I look.  I have no problem being a big girl.  It's who I've always been, and it's a role I'm quite comfortable with.  My only goal as far as appearances go are to have curves that are defined (like April's) instead of just looking like I do (all boobs, butt and belly).  Oh, and I want to have awesome upper arms so that I can tattoo them.

So, now I have this internal struggle that I hate having.  On one hand, I believe that I'm beautiful just as I am and fuck you if you don't think so.  On the other hand, I'm in crap shape, and at 35, I'm not getting any younger.  The older I get the harder it will be to lose the excess baggage, and I know deep in my heart of hearts that I need to get healthier. 

Logic and emotion should not be allowed to co-exist within me, because it's a battle that I don't want to fight.  Still, if I keep doing what I'm doing, at least I have a fair chance of winning.

shimmer like a girl

In honour of International Women's Day, I thought it would be appropriate to dedicate this post to my Sheroes: a healthy mix of people I've never met and people I know.  Admittedly, the criteria to be my Shero isn't all that exclusionary, but it's still a pretty elite group.

 

My Mom

You're darn right I'm listing my mom.  If any of you can look at me with a straight face and tell me that your mom doesn't rock, then I feel sorry for you.  Now, my mom didn't do anything extraordinary - she didn't overcome great obstacles to raise her two children, she didn't write a book, make movies, or win the lottery.  All she did was give birth to me and raise me to be the fantabulous person that you know and love, which, I guess is a bit impressive.  Weaker people would have been scared at the thought of preparing me for the world, but my mom took on the challenge and look at the end result. I rock, therefore, so does she.

Margaret Sanger

American birth control activist and the founder of the American Birth Control League.  She believed that for women to be considered more “equal” in society and to have physically and mentally healthy lives, they needed to be able to decide when a pregnancy would be most convenient for themselves, not to mention allowing women to be able to fully enjoy sexual relations, without being burdened by the fear of pregnancy.  In a time in history where women were still seen as chattel and baby making machines, she fought for their right to be able to control their bodies.  I'm surprised she wasn't strung up by her toenails for some of the stuff she wrote back then.  It doesn't seem as shocking now, but if you put yourself in the mindset of the early 1900's patriarchy and then read it, it's pretty revolutionary.

P!nk (aka Alecia Moore)

Singer-Songwriter

To know me is to know my love of P!nk.  This gal can sing the alphabet and I would buy it.  She is unapologetic about who she is or what she does, and you have to admire that.  Her songs are all about being alive and feisty and not sitting down and shutting up...even though people would like you to.  She takes no shit from anyone and does it all on her own terms, and she's got a hell of a voice.  (Her husband's pretty hot too).

 
 

Eve Ensler

Playwright

You may not know her name, but you know the name of one of her most famous works, a little play known as "The Vagina Monologues."  A play whose existence has created an entire movement known as "V-Day". (The 'V' stands for Victory, Valentine and Vagina). According to the website, V-Day's vision is that of a world where women live safely and freely.  V-Day demands that rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery end immediately and that women should spend their lives creating and thriving rather than surviving or recovering from terrible atrocities. To date, the V-Day movement has raised over $60 million and educated millions about the issue of violence against women and the efforts to end it. Awesome.

 

 Beth Ditto

(lead singer for The Gossip)

There are no other words to describe how I feel about Beth Ditto other than to say, "I fucking love her!".  She is known for her outspoken support of LGBT and feminist causes, and caused the world to completely freak out when she claimed to have eaten squirrel when she was a kid, saying, "people in Arkansas just do – they'd think you were a freak if you ate squid there!" Ditto is known for her noticeable stage dances and her unique and revealing image. It's nothing for her to start a show completely clothed and end it in just her bra and panties.  She has been lauded for her support of positive body image, even though "the man" feels that she may be causing harm to public health by saying that it's ok to be obese.  You know what I say to that?  "Damn the man!"

The *StAr BiTcHeS*

(L-R: Tania, Alison, Leigh, Charlene)

I know the saying that you'll never have the friends again in life that you did in high school is totally cliche, but in this case, it's true.  These gals and I go WAAAAY back and not a day goes by that I'm not blessed to have them in my life.  Though we're all separated by geography physically, we can get together and pick up like nothing had ever happened.  I love them all for the same, and for different reasons.  I love that Tania gives everyone the benefit of the doubt (cuz most of the time, I totally don't.)  I love that Alison is passionate about what goes into her food and what goes into her body (which is what happens when you spend time organic farming in New Zealand.)  I love that Leigh is the teeniest little spitfire you'll ever meet. (Don't even think of trying to come between her and her pit bulls, because she will kick your ass.)  I love that Charlene is completely oblivious to how cool she truly is (and she is.  You have no idea.)  I love and miss my BiTcHeS.

Everyone has one woman in their life who has influenced them some way, whether they realise it or not.  I could go on and on, but instead I will end it here and just say that I am blessed to have known some amazing women throughout my life and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for that.